MOVED TO BLOGSPOT.

I WILL NOW BE POSTING MY ENTRIES IN MY BLOGSPOT INSTEAD. You can still tag here though. I just used one tagboard so your tags here will also appear in my blogspot tagboard. Aryt?

HERE:

rachelleglowsinthedark

THANK YOUUU. ;D

'Cause sooner or later it'll be OVER.

...I just want you to know who I am.

Thanks anyway.

WE BELONG TOGETHER.

Sadly, I DO. Friends??? *echoes*

DISCLAIMER: The text will just appear as Arial if you don't have the font that I used. It looks prettier though if you have the FirstGrader font. If not, just bear with it. Thank you :)

I went to the Mall today. My Mom went to some store. And I decided to sit down by the kids' play area. There was this little girl, with her Mom and Dad. Her Mom was teasing her. "Who do you love more, Mommy or Daddy?" And the little girl couldn't answer. She was speechless. Obviously, she couldn't choose between her parents... And, IT STRUCK ME.

Sometimes I can't help it but envy kids who have the same "incapability" to answer that simple question. You might think I'm missing my Dad...NO! I don't miss him. I miss having a father. Maybe I long for the feeling. Sometimes I wish I could say these words, "Hey Dad, how was your day? How was work?" or "Hey Dad! Happy Father's Day" or as silly as it may be, "Thanks for working, Dad" After 6 years of totally not having a father at all, I really don't know why I suddenly felt this kind of longingness. (Again, I only long for the feeling.) I mean, why just now?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Everything in the world has changed.

First and foremost, me. Honestly, I don't know myself anymore. Things were just happening too fast. I couldn't cope up with myself. I'm growing up too soon. I already have matured much. I am not anymore able to enjoy the rest of my teenage years. So I really don't think anyone could throw right smack onto my face who they think I am. Before these changes in me, I don't know myself yet that much. And now that a lot of things have changed, I can't even think who I have become now.

Second, the people I love much, my so-called friends. I don't know if they are just too busy. Or things have changed. It's like we lost the "connection" we used to have. I hardly talk to anyone of them nowadays. I just miss them. It hurts to feel that maybe we are drifting apart. I don't want to lose them. It took me so long to find them. Can you even imagine how it feels to like see them go away?

It seems to me like I lost them...

...And I just feel so alone right now.

      Show love to your parents as much as you can.

      My Mom's the only person I've had with me ever since forever, incase you don't know the story regarding my Dad. I love my Mom so much. I show it to her every chance I get. But now, it seems like she has Breast Cancer. She has a really really big lump on her right breast. And she never told me, years ago, it used to be a really small one.

      I never want to lose her. I'd rather die early, like tomorrow, or right after I finish this entry,  than to see her go away from me.

      Life has taught me a lot this early. I am supposed to enjoy the rest of my teenage years. I am supposed to just deal with problems with regards to school, friends, or maybe love. I am supposed to deal with only those problems. But I am dealing with LIFE AND DEATH issues. One move could change my life until eternity ends. This isn't the only thing I am going through. If you only knew. I want to cry. But I can't. I need to be strong for my Mom. If I won't be strong for her, who would? But it's a really hard thing.

      It makes me feel really upset to see other kids my age doing nothing but party here party there. Just a little understanding with their parents, they'd give out words of deep hatred. Like they care not about what's happening around them. Then they'd call their lives miserable 'cause they have this problem, that problem, love problem, school problem. Let me tell you something..Hell, that's nothing!

      I have a lot going through my mind right now. My Mom's condition, my school, financial issues, my school, our family left in the Philippines, my homesickness, my swim team (which by the way, I did quit. I want to be there for my Mom every single time she needs me.) ...and a lot more.

      I want to ask only one thing from you.. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY MOM. That's the best way you could do to help us. And you would be able to help us more than you could ever imagine.

      I know He won't let me down. He loves me, so much. He knows the desires of my heart. But I need YOUR help. Yes, YOU. PLEASE.  Thank You. I know You are there with us. You were there with me with me every tear drop. I trust You. Ikaw na bahala, You know very much the desires of my heart. Please.

      Thank you, Juice. At one point of our conversation, I wasn't really able to help it but cry. Thank you. I knew right at once, you were the one I needed to talk to. You are the only one who knows almost everything about the situation.

juice wenceslao: this may be hypocritical for me to say, but you shouldn't feel sorry for yourself. kung ako nasa position mo, HINDI KO NA ALAM, but knowing how you've dealt with your issues so far...

juice wenceslao: don't feel sorry for yourself

juice wenceslao: it just means God trusts you (too much for that matter)

juice wenceslao: but you didn't go this far

juice wenceslao: just to give up, did you?

rachelle: maybe i can't go far anymore

rachelle: maybe hanggang dito lang kaya ko

rachelle: maybe

juice wenceslao: ANO IBIG SABIHIN MO NIYAN?

rachelle: maybe hanggang dito lng kaya baka i was designed to give up at this moment

rachelle: baka ndi ko na alam juice

rachelle: i can't cry

rachelle: but i want to

juice wenceslao: kapag nag give up ka, things are just going to be harder

rachelle: i don't know. i really don't

rachelle: i feel like in the middle of nowhere

rachelle: nasa stage na wala ako ppuntahan na the world's turned its everything on me

Thank you. I knew you were the one who could help me best. Thanks too Timmy. It made sense to me. Thank you. For listening. Thank you Timmy. I never imagined we could have that serious conversation. Thank you.

Please help us Lord. Please. Thank You. and, i love You.